I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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