Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
