just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
