Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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