this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
