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I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
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