Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
