so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
