If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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