ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
