She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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