you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my being single is dangerous.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
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I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
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They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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