I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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