you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize