I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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