Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
