I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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