Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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