she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
