The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize