I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst night to have a conscience
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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