I cockslap morals
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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