im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Your penis caused this!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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