ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
