the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
