im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
