you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
