Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
