she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
