Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
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Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
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I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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