Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
