I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
