too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
