You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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