38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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