The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
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Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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