Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
