We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
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hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
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I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.