Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.