she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
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btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
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If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone