Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.