the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
