True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
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