He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
