This is not my ceiling
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize