Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
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I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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