Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize