yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Come share oat with me in your robe
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
