She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
