As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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