There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
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Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
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That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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