The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
