You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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