In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
