Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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