to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
