i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
operation have a gay friend backfired
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
