You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
