She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
