Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
